This Captain Goes Down With The Ship!

Riddle me this?

2009-12-16T08:19:48Z

For some reason you make me so happy inside and out. Were sitting at a tree and your saying all the right things but i cant hear you. All the right words are silently slipping out yr lips and feeding my hungry ears that have been starving for this. You are the sweetest one i have never found and nor do i want to lose you. just knowing yr around makes me shoot off into space the feeling is so out of this world. I have all yr attention and its never been so much more fufilling than i ever had. Guess its just the right amount i suppose. still sitting in the same spot under this tree and it seems the sun is going down and this wretched sadness comes over me completely and consumes me just as quick as you make me happy. I look up and your over the hill and not next to me anymore. During the whole day i spent with you i never see your face for once. Nor do i recognize yr voice cuz i cant hear it and it has me wondering who you are.....i just know you wave one last time before you go over that hill and then i wake up to this reality.

what does it mean and who are you?

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2009-08-12T02:43:33Z

It seems like whenever i try to fix it, its just a constant let down.You keep shooting me down and i just wanna know what im doing cuz apparently its not working. Im not mad or anything, its just that i would like my efforts to be recognized. Im just sick. im not hungry nor can i sleep just to let you know....

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put it on your tab...

2009-01-20T07:59:13Z

i take it all back. Wait....no i dont :D

Shootcha gun in the skyyy!

2009-01-16T08:13:24Z

Its seriously been a very long time since i could parade around in my chones! And i hate it cuz it sucks not having a room where i can just sleeeeep in my nice own bed with nothin but a shirt and chones haha...and wilson was there too at the foot of my bed looking at himself in my mirror doors that were my closet heheh then trying to be quiet as i slid my window open to smoke cigarettes. the german shepherd who my niece named mufito would sit and watch me through the fence<3 miss those days. hopefully soon i can return to those nites :]

Audacity.

2009-01-16T07:23:33Z

those eyes of yours dont see me.

Feel the melody...

2009-01-13T07:34:58Z

yes, its true, so very true. but i didnt wanna tell you the way i did cuz the timing was off and things werent going right at all. but somehow i find myself thinking that i feel better knowing that you know i went out on a limb just to yah know...but thats not the point. my point is never in all my life i hever been so open about somethin like that anyways, so consider yourself lucky ;]
but yes now you know and things are not weird, hopefully.
but yea...hopefully i change your mind......

authentic.

2008-12-27T03:12:25Z

seems i mess things up without knowing i do it intentionally.
dunno what my problem is but whatev.
screwed it up, yet again & its fine since it never fails.
hahahaha wonder if people can turn that into a career, i know i would be rich off myyy butt dude!
but yea, sorry doucher.

down to you....

2008-12-24T00:27:14Z

i got some EXTREMELY shocking news last nite and i dont know how to react. Ive been locked in my room all day because i dont wanna deal with anything or anyone since im taking all this in. should i be happy, sad, upset, or angry? i dont know what i am i just feel so weird and blank inside, almost like a shell. just very empty inside. all i can do is be there, this i know, but how could someone let this happen? if i was around it would not have happened this way but i wasnt so now i have to sit back and see where it goes from now....guess i am depressed about it.

im starting to mess up again and i need to show down before it is too late and i lose everything. i know i have a problem but i honestly cant help it. why is everything for me going downhill? im not choosing to let it happen, it just is. the only thing i can do is start helping myself otherwise its gonna be so far along into it im not gonna be able to do anything about it at all which i really dont want that. no one ever wants that, this i know. so im gonna have to start this thing in order to stop it all because all its doing is hurting my health and hurting the people that care about me...haaa people dont care about me.....

feelings are sooo so sooooo gross to me. i cant stand them and i wish i didnt have any at ALL! this thing called like...i cant stand it. "oh i LIKE you..." i hate it i wish i didnt have to feel it! my thoughts on it are absolutely disgusted with it and i dont know why people get all happy over it. liking people sucks. now loving people is even worse because all it does is cause people to get hurt and its dumb. love is for the weakminded. i think im not to fond of this liking thing because its me...that stupid thought is in my head & i wish it wasnt. i hate when i like someone. feel like i have let myself go. i dont wanna like someone...but i do. and i wanna punch myself for it!

yet again....

2008-12-14T03:57:35Z

i have nothing.

im gonna start over now from square one with everything.

diphenhydramine hydrochloride;25mg

2008-12-01T05:36:31Z

im going to kill him for doing this to me.
he is DEAD, and if he isnt he is going to be close to it when im done with him.
you dont ever, EVER, do something like this to me...& he probaby thought i wouldnt find out.
how APALLING and low can you get...apparently to that level, but haaaa its funny cuz his karma is gonna come backkkk :D

i have this feeling...about something, but idk.

anyways...yea.

uno maaaas babbyyyy

2008-11-29T06:10:37Z

i dont think im pretty.

from concentrate

2008-11-29T05:14:54Z

i receieved something today it was very nice.
a rose :]

WHY DOES EVERYTHING MANAGE TO GO WRONG IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER?!
once i think i have something right something happens and BAM! sleps me in the face.
i cant have nothing nor will i ever have anything.
if someone steals it, is anyone gonna care? NO!
so long & goodnite, correct?

grrrr im just so irritated lately.... :/

"you have been drinking lately alot..."
"yea i know, im just stressed..."
"well drinking will only temporarily take it away so whats the point of wasting any money?"
"thats all the time i need"

i need time now.
seagrams in the trunk....haha i dont care anymore :]

whatcha asking....for?

2008-10-07T06:28:27Z

So basically at work people are talking trash about me but i can care less. who is the one actually doing her job and not hiding in the back and talking ALL day on the phone. Idk im pretty much over certain people there. Im not there to be your friend, im there to work & make money. Right or wrong? Then they pretend to like me and stuff...pleeeease i do dont have time for the high school drama people.

Anyways...

Linda came down a couple days ago and yea it was pretty dank hiking up that mountain by lake perris dude! I drove past the spot like idk how many times hahaha "lecie you past it"..."shut up thats not it!" hahaha it was fun even though i was leading everybody and i got lost cuz the trail ended. So we had to go back like halfway and walk through like weeds and stuff! Then i started to wtf if snakes come out?! hahah! Im so terrified of them ughhh :/
anyways i really couldnt bring myself to drink when we got up there because i been drinking too much. IDK, maybe its the stress butt here is still no reason for that....got to get this together.

but yea then i have a certain person hacking my comments throwing stuff in my face like wtf is your problem?! serisoulsy dude GET OVER IT! Your letting it consume you and it is sickening. idk, maybe im full of drama no matter how hard i try to avoid it, it always comes!

too many bones in this closet.
ANYWAYS...
got work tomorrow 10-7.
im so excited! im gonna be in electrical :D

Into the arms of sorrow...

2008-09-23T00:39:44Z

Lets see…where do I begin.
Start off with the basics……..that I do know.

Ive come to realize that I cant always get what I want. It just dosent work out the way we want sometimes. And I need to soon realize that its not gonna ever work that way. It just doesn’t happen like that. Then its like I try to make others happy even when im not happy, its like, why go out of my way for someone who wont go out of there’s for me. So why do I keep telling myself that they will, when im just lieing to myself. Then when I don’t do something for someone its like im on the chopping block because it seems like its mandatory now. I think its because of my feelings or something. Think im going to get lobotomized or whatever its called because my feelings are starting to just…idk. I just always want more and more….and I….yea…im just gonna stop.

This weekend was jammed packed!
I went to visit my muffin on Friday and I had some fun minus…yeaa…but yea he taught me beer pong and I never knew how fun it could be haha even though I made it like twice and that was it! But yeaaa that next morning, thanks for leaving, I had to roll home to roll to la to see my granmda and I did that! Haha stayed till like 8 then rolled home. Got hit up there was a party in riverside, & I went with my bro. It was cool well some parts till everyone thought this guy was hitting on me, which he was NOT! Then the next day I got sick[which I still am] and had to work.
It was fun…I want to be busy like that all the time so I don’t have to be home.

I need to tear this walls down.
They don’t seem to keep you away.
So what is the point of them?!
There must be serenity…..

You have me...

2008-09-02T06:50:34Z

Today at work it was brutally busy, i swear on chuck norris! Shouldnt you idiots be at home cooking bbq and tossing back some brewskiies dude, seriously? You want to shop for stuff on labor day, my god you people are idiots! Yea i got a couple of rude people but i shook it off the only thing that really got to me was that i had actually ate for the first time in the morning and i was soooo hungry! I started shaking and a customer cheered me up with his wild antics about the idiots who shouldnt use self-checkout if they dont know how too in the first place...it made me smile haha :] some are thoughtful and some are just plain douchebags! Like this idiot who made me scan all his stuff when he couldve done it himself...then attempted to pay with a fake $100 bill! it wasnt taking it so jenna secretly told me it was fake! haha idiot sucks for you...anways off the work sub cuz its still waaaack in the end.

Yesterday and i had a breakdown because all the thoughts that were running through my head. Like i would never amount to anything or i wouldnt ever be good enough for anyone and all that stupid stuff. It all plagued me when i seen my mother's baby father & he acted like everything is just soo peachy with him and my mom when she tells me he doesnt do squat for her! And from that point on i have just been extremely distraught Oh well like my dad always says...

Dude..micah's birthday was the most METAL day ive ever had in my entire life! We got drunk and went to the hookah bar then we went to the peak and it was absolutely amazinggg but i kinda passed out cuz i hadnt drank like that in such a long time! haha i remember the hiccups and then getting home at 2:30am then having to be to work at 5:45am so i roughly only got about maybe an hour of sleep! haha then i continued to drink yesterday haha thatgallon of parrot bay & blue beast are soo gone including a cup of wine and a brewskii

Maggii issss sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fat now...think she's gonna burst soon im excited :]

I cant wait till wednesday!
i sooo wish it was here already sooo i could be happy!
grrr i work tomorrow 10-7 again & i have to take pantera to school...
hurry wednesdayyyy!

satisfaction guaranteed.

2008-08-30T22:45:11Z

yesterday was the most METAL day, EVER :D

time makes you move on

2008-07-17T23:04:32Z

Maaaaaannnn....dude Ive been so stressed out these past two weeks with everything its not even funny. Its like when i need people to be there for me its out of the question but when they need me...I will be there for you no matter what your going through but oh well its life and I have learned to cut off alot of people who find I dont need anymore because they dont need me and its peachy. Anyways around the 5th(my granmda's birthday) is when everything started going wrong and it was like it was fine then something else would go wrong...it was fine...then something else would go wrong and it was like I did something wrong and this is what I get for whatever I did. But truth is, I dont even know what I did, Im not even sure if I did anything wrong but its cool now I suppose. All I need to do is get out and away from all this negativity because it's stupid and dumb.

Mann tells me Im selifsh and it is always about me but it's really not I worry about him more than myself even when I had to take him to the hospital and he was mad at me for god know's what, cuz I dont, I still worried, I cried, I was mad but I understood the situation and tried not to let it get the best of me. I may seem selfish but Im really not(unless I dont like you).

Work has been going ok I suppose cuz yeah im off my stupid probo today, yupp yupp, I been there 90 days already...it is crazy how time flies by sooo fast dude! It seems like just yesterday I was checking in with the hr like "It's me snitchezzzz gimme a job!" haha no! but yeahh its okay trying to keep to myself lately because stuff gets started over the lamest things. But I suppose no one has anything better to do with their time aside from try to make someone feel like crap everytime they come into work but hahahah it doesnt get to me cuz it's stupid highschool drama! come on now it was years ago...time to grow up!

*PLEASE* excuse my grammar and punctuation, my nails were wet :D

alcohoroscopes

2008-04-02T04:51:57Z

ARIES (Mar 21- Apr 19) drinking style: Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them pronto closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple of tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail .Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them that night!

is that really me when im plastered??

Seen this coming

2008-03-19T23:59:29Z

& now im stuck in a compromising situation and idk how to get out...

koalab3ar @ 2007-09-09T23:59:00

2007-09-10T06:58:06Z

FRIENDS ONLY
Find The Key Into My Bloody Black Beating Heart!